My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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