The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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