Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
