Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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