He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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