that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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