I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
