So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
