One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
