Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize