Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
