He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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