Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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