I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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