I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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