You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
