I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
