so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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