we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
