She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
