His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
