Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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