someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
