I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize