I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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