I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's like heaven, but drunker
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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