there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
