He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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