I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
