they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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