I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
