google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I checked into jail on foursquare
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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