I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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