i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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