I smell stomach acid.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
