I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
