take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
