so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
