A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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