um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
