do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
