i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
