I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
