Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
