So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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