He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
