I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
