Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't deserve a penis
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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