how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
