Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
