...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
