Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
