kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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