I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
