I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
