yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
3 2 1 whiskey
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
