R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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