I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
