Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
