I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
