do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
