Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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