I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
