just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize