Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
