I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
