I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And then my night got REAL pukey
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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