So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
