When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
