I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
