Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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