At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
