So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
