So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
