i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize