Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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