Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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