Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
