Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
