Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
